this is absolutely wonderful

xo!

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I am a poetry admin for *DailyLitDeviations.

interested in collaborating?
writer, photographer, painter, whatever(er) -
I'll mix with words with anything you've got.
currently on collab hiatus

Thank you. I tried to explain PMS to a man, got nowhere, and wrote this in frustration.

And thanks for the watch.

plastic soup.

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*OoOoo.

Wow, this is just brilliant. It made me stop and read, and not think about anything else when I was reading it.

Just a few suggestions. I think "existance" should be "existence" and "dillute" I think should only have one L. For me, the palomino horses silmile worked brilliantly without the "in Australia", I just felt this messed up the flow a bit and made it a bit more wordy. But that's just my opinion, if you like it as it is then obviously just leave it!

The opening really struck me. "You start to sympathise with street lamps," is just stunning. The subtle alliteration and the unusual language completely grabbed my attention. I'm not even sure what it means (and it's great that you've left it open to interpretation), it just works and it doesn't even have to have a meaning because it amde me stop and think about it and enjoy it. I could go on about the whole poem, it was all so wonderful. I look back to try and pick some more lines that I like especially and I just love them all. Your poem made me feel light and heavy, peaceful and buzzing at the same time. I hope you never stop writing, you have a real gift.

--
A stitch in time mucks up the space-time continuum.

Clicking this link will give you superpowers*.

*May just be a very sneaky way to make you look at my page. But probably not.

Ah, foiled for lack of spell check. Will go back and edit.

Thanks for the suggestions and kind words.

I'm not too sure about what to do with 'in Australia', because you're right, it fits a little oddly. But it's there because I wanted to say both that the horses are in Australia, and that the sun is really quite brutal in Australia, too. I'll leave it at the moment until I come up with something better.

Thanks again~ Feels really nice to hear such good things from someone I admire.

I did get that image from the horses being in Australia, maybe you could say "Australian palomino horses"? Although that makes it a bit wordy... It's tricky stuff, isn't it?
And it was my pleasure!

--
A stitch in time mucks up the space-time continuum.

Clicking this link will give you superpowers*.

*May just be a very sneaky way to make you look at my page. But probably not.

...I feel like a plebeian. This is amazing.
The first stanza was absolutely incredible.